Oneliner Drabbles Part 1
by Rapt0rix
Summary: Wrote these on Livejournal. The game is that I ask my friends to give me a pairing and a prompt, and I'll write a oneline or close to it drabble based on what they ask me to. Spoilers, crack, and nearsmut ensues. XD


**Title:** Oneliner drabble meme results (Part 1)  
**Rating:** R  
**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to their respective creators, I don't own any of them.

**shinigamikender**  
**Gin/Ishida + pie**  
Gin observed the young Quincy for a long moment, his usual creepy smile ever present as he mused over something. _"Gee, I wonder what Quincy Pie tastes like?"_ he thought.  
**Isshin/Ishida + Honestly**  
Ishida had always refused to visit his father's hospital for his annual checkup. Honestly though, visiting Kurosaki's clinic wasn't much better than suffering his own father. Doctor Kurosaki was as crazy as Ryuuken was stern.

**Yumichika/Hanatarou + feathers**  
"Ooooh Hanatarou-san!" Yumichika cooed at the fourth squad seater, "You are much too plain! Here, let me get some feathers to put in your hair!"

**Ikkaku/Ishida + blog**  
Ishida angrily deleted yet another ten or so rude spam comments from Ikkaku on his blog. "I should have never given Kurosaki-san my blog name!"

**Kuukaku/Mayuri + handle**  
"The toilet is leaking again, so don't forget to jiggle the handle!" Kuukaku shouted at Mayuri while he was in the bathroom.

**Urquiola/Grimmjaw + ethernet**  
"Grimmjaw, what's an 'Ethernet'?" Urquiola was confused.  
"Hell if I know! I died back in the 70's!" Grimmjaw snorted.

**luminamon**   
**Isshin/Kisuke + blue**  
Urahara smiled coyly as he stood before the former Shinigami Captain, Kurosaki Isshin who was standing inside his store.

"Hope you don't mind that the only color underwear I can give your gigai is blue."

**Tatsuki/Momo + sake**  
"BLECH!" Tatsuki spit the sake out of her mouth, making sure not to spit on Momo. "I don't get why the hell adults like this crap, it's disguisting!"  
"I suppose that's why kids arn't allowed to drink?" Momo pushed the sake bottle aside.

**tsukishine**   
**Tousen/Unohana + squeak**  
Tousen prided himself in having very sharp hearing in replacement of his lost vision. Though sometimes, it got a bit annoying.  
"Unohana-Taichou, can you please fix the squeek in your left sandal? It's a bit bothersome."

**Kenpachi/Unohana + eyes **  
Kenpachi kneeled down so Unohana would be at eye-level with him.  
"Unohana-Taichou? I think I got something in my eye, can you get it for me?"

**Tousen/Unohana + harem**  
Tousen sipped his tea quietly and suddenly a strange thought entered his mind. _What would it be like if I had a harem and Unohana-taichou was the lead of it?_

**Tousen/Unohana + orgasm**  
"Tousen, how many times did you orgasam tonight?" Unohana asked the blind captain.  
"I lost count after thirty-two." he replied.

**Kenpachi/Unohana + limelight**  
Kenpachi envied Unohana and her brilliant skills of eminating such peaceful power. That power always stole his limelight in Captain's meetings.

**Tousen/Unohana + haori**  
Tousen looked in the direction he could sense Unohana to be at.  
"Does this haori make me look fat?"

**Shuuhei/Yumichika + jump**  
Shuuhei went to visit the Shinigami who had suffered injuries from fighting the elusive ryoka. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw what they had done to Yumichika.  
"Holy crap! You look hideous in that afro!"

**Mayuri/Ryuuken + arrow**  
"Oooh!" Mayuri wiggled his fingers excitedly as he disected Ryuuken on his table. "This explains a lot... this man has an arrow stuck up his anal cavity."  
And then Uryuu woke up, disappointed that it was all just a dream.

**Kuukaku/Mayuri + knife**  
"If you ask me _ONE MORE TIME_ if you can disect me, I'm going to come after you myself with a knife!" Kuukaku threatened the 12th Captain, pulling her zanpakuto out of its sheath.

**Ikkaku/Nemu + working**  
_"One of these days,"_ Ikkaku thought to himself, _"I might just have to sign up for one of Mayuri-taichou's experiment sessions... just to see Nemu-fukutaichou working in that miniskirt."_

**Kuukaku/Mayuri + ass**  
_"I see you baby/  
Shaking that thang"_ The song played as Mayuri struggled to figure out the rhythm of the song.  
"Kuukaku-san, am I shaking my ass the right way yet?"

**Shuuhei/Yumichika + ass**  
Shuuhei heard a distressed yell coming from the men's room that was no doubt Yumichika's.  
"Someone get a janitor in here and refill the toilet protectors! I'm not sitting my pretty little ass on any of these toilets without protection!"

**Kenpachi/Unohana + ass**  
"I don't need no stinking bandages!" Kenpachi flailed as Unohana attempted to tend to his wounds.  
"I'm sorry Zaraki-taichou, but these cuts on your buttocks are too tender to leave uncovered." Unohana chided the large man.

**Kenpachi/Mayuri + harness**  
"Why yes, Zaraki-taichou, I can make you a harness for your little fukutaichou. I remember when Nemu was at that stage when she would just wander off whenever we went out." Mayuri held up a child's harness equipped with a built-in tazer and decorative spikes. "How about this one?"

**Soi Fong/Adaro + submit**  
Soi Fong glared daggers at Adaro. "The only way I'll forgive you is if you submit a five thousand word appology essay by this time tomorrow. Please include kitties."

**Hanatarou/Isane + soba noodles**  
Isane cringed as she listened to Hanatarou noisily eat his dinner.  
"Hanatarou-kun, can you please not slurp your soba noodles? It's a little distracting."

**afromatic**   
**Tousen/Unohana + Sent**  
"Tousen-Taichou, did you get that ointment I sent you? I'm sorry it took a while for me to get it to you, but I had to go gather fresh ingredients myself." Unohana smiled at Tousen after a Captain's meeting.

**Hanatarou/Ururu + Father figure**  
Ururu gingerly patted Hanatarou on the shoulder. "I'm sorry, my father figure is rather crazy at times... I didn't mean for you to see him walk out naked like that."

**KonChappy + Smex**  
During the long hours he had to spend in Yuzu's room at night, staying motionless as the supposedly inanimate stuffed animal he was, Kon considered something.  
_"Hell, I'm fifty-bajillion times smexier than that stupid Chappy brand."_

**KonchigioChappukia + Baking**  
"No no no! Use a tablespoon not a teaspoon. Pyon." Chappukia chided.  
"Tell me again why we're doing this and not helping out back at the battle?" Konchigo groaned.

**Hanatarou/Yuzu + Protect**  
"EEP! Spider! OMG get it off me!" Hanatarou wailed.  
"Hold on Hana-chan! I'll protect you!" Yuzu cried as she tried to swat the offending arachnid off of Hanatarou's head with a rolled up newspaper.

**Ichigo/Soi Fong + Honey**  
Ichigo nearly choked on his toast as Soi Fong barged into his kitchen one morning, wearing a very short bath robe.  
"Do you people happen to have any honey? I ran out." Soi Fong asked, sounding almost bored.

**IchiChizuru + Turned**  
"If you turned into a girl, I would so rape you on the spot." Chizuru threatened Ichigo.  
**TousenUnohana + Peaches**  
"Do you have any allergies?" Unohana ran through the routine checkup questions with Tousen.  
"Peaches."

**IshidaOrihime + Chipmunk**  
"Oh look Ishida-kun! A chipmunk on that tree over there!" Orihime exlaimed excitedly. That was the last time they were going to have sex in the park.

**halflingrogue**   
**Ichigo/Kon + water bottle**  
Ichigo walked into his bedroom to find Kon sitting on his bed, reading a hentai manga with zeal. _"I wonder what would happen if I took his soul candy out of that body and I stuck him in a water bottle. I bet I could get him to dissolve."_

**Renji/Zack + soda **(Note: This takes place in the Sortinghat universe, Zack from FF7 and Renji from Bleach bunk together

)  
"Hey Zack, get me a soda while you're up, will ya?" Renji called out from the couch, lazily.  
"What flavor?" Zack asked.  
"Strawberry." Renji chuckled.

**rebootmaster**   
**Chad/Ishida + Talking about Love**  
"What kind of things do you love?" Ishida asked Chad.  
"I love Chihuahas."

**chizuruchan** **Ishida/Ichigo + poptart**  
Ichigo tossed a foil-wrapped package at Ishida, who caught it.  
"What's this?" Ishida looked confused.  
"Yuzu bought another box of strawberry poptarts. I can't stand those things." Ichigo frowned.

**Kon/Rukia + juicebox**  
Kon and Rukia stared at the untouched juice box, both completely baffled.  
"Don't you remember how to open it! I thought he showed you once!" Kon flailed.  
"He didn't exactly show me... he just took it from me and did it for me... I couldn't exactly catch what he did!" Rukia crossed her arms.

**Chizu/Tatsuki + training bra**  
"Gasp Tatsuki! You've finally gotten yourself a training bra?" Chizuru winked at Tatsuki as they dressed for P.E. at their middle school.  
"Oh grow up. At least I'm wearing one, unlike some lesbians around here." Tatsuki growled and put her P.E. shirt on quickly.  
**lovelyriza**  
**Ichigo/Rukia + cherries**  
"Here Ichigo! I bought you some fruit!" Rukia smiled.  
"They better not be fricken strawberries." Ichigo growled.  
"Nope! Cherries!"

**Gin/Matsumoto + chocolate**  
Rangiku took an aggressive bite out of her bar of chocolate. She pretended the chocolate bar was Gin as she mimed out what she'd do to him next time she saw him.

**nightkat01**  
**Ishida/Renji + cape**  
"Hey Ishida... um... could you make me... a cape?" Renji felt embarassed even asking.  
"Why of _course!_" Ishida smirked, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

**sephtasticsama**  
**Byakuya/Urahara + dance**  
Urahara heard catchy and trendy pop music eminating from the next room. He peeked a look inside and caught sight of Byakuya dancing like a boy band member. Urahara got out his camera and made sure to catch a few snapshots for future possible blackmail.

**Renji/Hitsugaya + iPod **  
"What the hell is that thing?" Hitsugaya prodded the small white device that had found a way to connect into Renji's ears.  
"They call it an iPod... really nifty things! They put music in it and stuff." Renji fiddled with the controls to change the next song.  
"I want one!" Hitsugaya sounded a bit jealous.  
"No! Mine! Get your own!"


End file.
